Embracing difference over sameness
Friendship is one of life’s greatest joys, but the friendships that shape us most often come from unexpected places. Spiritual friendship — friendship rooted in Jesus — isn’t about finding people who are just like us. It’s about embracing difference, learning from each other, and reflecting God’s love across boundaries.
Think about Jonathan and David. Jonathan, the son of King Saul, could have seen David as a rival. Yet, he loved David deeply, even putting David’s future above his own. Their friendship crossed expectations and personal ambition. It wasn’t about sameness; it was about loyalty, courage, and a shared devotion to God.
Or consider Ruth, a Moabite woman who chose to remain with Naomi after tragedy struck. She could have returned to her family and her familiar life, but instead she said:
“Where you go, I will go. Where you stay, I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God.” (Ruth 1:16-17)
Ruth embraced a life very different from her own, crossing cultural and generational boundaries. Her commitment became part of God’s plan, leading to a lineage that brought forth Jesus. True friendship sometimes calls us to step beyond comfort and familiarity.
Jesus modeled this perfectly. In John 15:15, He tells His disciples:
“I no longer call you servants… I have called you friends.”
Jesus didn’t limit His friendship to people who shared His background, culture, or social status. He included tax collectors, fishermen, women, children — people from all walks of life. Spiritual friendship grows when we look past differences and embrace others for who they are, not just who is like us.
Even in His closest circle, Jesus demonstrates this principle. He had Peter, James, and John as his inner circle, but He also connected with 12 disciples, 72 followers, and the wider community. Each group was diverse, each person unique, yet all were united through Christ. This shows that intimacy with a few doesn’t exclude relationship with many — and difference is part of the richness.
Philippians 2:3-4 reminds us:
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition… Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves. Do not merely look out for your own interests, but also the interests of others.”
Friendship built on difference requires humility and generosity. It challenges our tendency to gravitate toward people like us, inviting us instead to celebrate diversity in age, culture, personality, and life experience.
This is where church comes in. We primarily come to church with Jesus — He is our anchor, our best friend, our foundation. Then, because of Him, we are invited to be friends with each other. The church isn’t meant to be a comfortable space full of people like us. Its purpose is to meet people who are not like us, so we can expand our horizons and grow in understanding, compassion, and perspective. Our modern world often sees difference as dangerous or uncomfortable, but Jesus is the one who builds His church and shapes our relationships.
Embracing difference doesn’t mean we always agree or even understand each other fully. Sometimes it means patience, listening, and grace. But it also means opportunity: the chance to grow, learn, and see Christ in someone else. Just as Ruth’s courage, Jonathan’s loyalty, and Jesus’ inclusive love transformed lives, so can our willingness to embrace difference.
“Greater love has no one than this, that they lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (John 15:13)
Spiritual friendship calls us beyond comfort zones and sameness. It invites us to love courageously, listen generously, and see the image of God in those who are not like us. In embracing difference, we participate in God’s work of building a community that is vibrant, inclusive, and life-giving — a church where everyone has a place, and everyone has something to give.