Infringing On Our Individuality Is Good For Us
THE SHOCK ABSORBER
We live in an age where independence is seen as the highest virtue. From the time we’re young, we’re told to be self-reliant, to “find ourselves,” and to chase personal goals.
Technology has turbocharged that message — everything from our phones to our streaming platforms are designed to revolve around us: our preferences, our comfort, our curated feeds. Show me your algorithm and I’ll show you my true beliefs.
But deep down, we ache for something more. We gather at church longing for genuine connection — the kind that can’t be replaced by notifications or video calls. As Dr. Carmen Joy Imes writes about the loneliness epidemic:
“The best antidote to isolation is to become entangled with others who notice when we’re missing and whose eyes light up when we walk into the room.”
God didn’t design us to walk alone. Joseph Hellerman says we are saved into community, yet in Western culture, hyper-individualism often blinds us to that truth. We forget that we were made to belong, not only to God, but to one another.
We’re Built for Each Other
When we live closely with others, something happens to us. Living in community shaves off our sharp edges, challenges our assumptions, and gives us new perspectives on our lives that we may not have seen. Purely being present with people changes how we feel.
Sociologists and psychologists have long noted that people who are deeply embedded in a community — especially religious communities — tend to be healthier, happier, and even more financially stable. That’s not just coincidence; it’s design. God built us to thrive together.
When we give up some of our personal freedoms for the sake of a community, it doesn’t diminish us — it refines us. It teaches us patience, compassion, and humility. And even though our individual needs may not always be met, we gain something far richer: a life knit together with others who point us toward Christ.
Technology Hasn't Helped
Technology is an incredible human achievement — a product of our God-given creativity. But it also acts as a mirror of our fallen nature. Endless choice and self-centred algorithms reinforce the lie that life should always be about getting what we want, instantly and effortlessly.
As Dr. Imes notes, the constant pursuit of “more” — more content, more convenience, more consumption — slowly deforms our desires. We end up filling our lives with things that promise satisfaction but actually pull us further away from joy. The same way highly processed food leaves us malnourished, the diet of endless digital stimulation leaves our souls hungry for real, embodied connection.
We can all feel it: we might be content alone with a book or a phone, but it’s not flourishing. True life happens when we exert the energy to show up, serve, and share life with others — even when it’s inconvenient.
Commitment Is the Cure for Loneliness
We often think the antidote to loneliness is self-care or digital connection, but what if the real cure is commitment?
At Soul Revival Church, we’ve seen how community life transforms people. Some are surprised that two of our gatherings happen on a Saturday night. But there’s a purpose behind that. It is about giving our supposedly “best night of the week” to Jesus and to others. Discipleship and mission don’t happen outside the church gathering — they flow from it. When we commit to one another regularly and meaningfully, the “action” in the church naturally spills out into the rest of the week.
Christians often assume that people won’t want to come to a service, so they create smaller, softer entry points — beer nights, “safe” hangouts, or casual study groups. But maybe the problem isn’t the format. Maybe we’ve just lost our infectious enthusiasm for church itself.
What if the local church was the most exciting place to be? What if we invited people into that — not as a duty, but as a joy?
Because things that require commitment work. They produce higher buy-in, deeper belonging, and stronger relationships. In a world that constantly offers easy exits, the relationships that stick are the ones that demand something from us.
The Best Self-Care Is Shared Life
Our culture tells us to “recharge” by retreating. And yes, introverts and extroverts recharge in different ways. But we weren’t designed to spend our lives in recovery mode. God didn’t build us to constantly preserve our energy; He built us to use it — in service, in love, in community.
Psychologist and author Nicholas Kardaras, in Glow Kids, warns of how our screens are rewiring our brains and feeding addictive, isolating behaviours. His advice is simple: unplug, go outside, spend time with real people. It’s striking how closely that echoes biblical wisdom.
God calls us to remove what harms us — not just physically, but spiritually — and replace it with what’s life-giving. That’s why commitment to a local church isn’t just a spiritual duty; it’s a form of healing. It draws us out of the self-centered orbit of our devices and into the shared life that we were created for.
How Community Shapes Our Identity
Community doesn’t just meet our social needs — it forms who we are. Tim has often said that his love for sociology comes from seeing how God designed humans to be formed by the systems and people around them.
Faith always begins with a personal relationship with Jesus, but it’s never meant to stay personal. Jesus commanded us to love God and love others. There is no category in the New Testament for a solo Christian.
That’s why intergenerational church life matters so much to us at Soul Revival Church. Kids, teenagers, and adults share life and stories together that contributes to building faith that lasts. When young people see older believers living out their faith, it anchors them in a vision of what following Jesus looks like over time.
Urie Bronfenbrenner’s ecological systems theory helps explain this beautifully. Just as a child is shaped by the overlapping environments of family, school, and culture, so too our faith is shaped by the overlapping circles of our spiritual communities. The more time we spend together in Christ-centred spaces, the more deeply we’re formed by them.
The activities we participate in — worship, serving, sharing meals, praying — reinforce our identity. The longer we commit to these rhythms, the more evidence we see of who we truly are: beloved children of God, shaped by His people.
So, what are you committed to?
If we find ourselves feeling disconnected from church, it’s worth asking whether we’ve truly committed to being part of it. Until we entangle our lives with others — until we’re known, needed, and missed — we’ll never experience the fullness of what God designed community to be.
Individualism tells us to choose ourselves, to protect our time, and to keep our options open. But discipleship calls us to close some doors so that we can walk faithfully through the one that leads to life.
Yes, community can be messy. You’ll get hurt. You’ll hurt others. It takes time, forgiveness, and grace. But that’s exactly how God grows us.
Infringing on Our Individuality Is What We Need
Infringing on our individuality isn’t a loss — it’s a gift. It’s the process through which God forms us into the likeness of Jesus. The people in your church are God’s gift to you, and you are His gift to them.
It will take effort. It won’t be perfect. But it’s good for you and us. Because in Christ-centred community, we find what our culture can’t offer: belonging, meaning, and transformation.
So don’t just attend church. Commit to it.
Let yourself be known. Let others interrupt your independence.
Because when we allow our individuality to be shaped by others, we don’t lose ourselves — we finally discover who we were made to be.